hi. my name is…

i am a man of many faces. many names. many places. but it seems that in all that i do, one thing remains. you.

i’ve tried to forget you. neglect you. regret you. but the harder and longer i try, u find a way into my life.

dont take this the wrong way; the word for word hard way. its not wat the eyes think it is. its life thru the– [we’re sorry. this soul is no longer available. please try again]–

its ok. theres nothing to worry about. im not that guy that sings u a song to sweep u off ur feet. im not that weak little boy that couldnt go after wat he wanted. im not the jerk who didnt return ur call either. i’ll stay on the phone with u till 6 in the morning. ill ask u about ur day. ill listen to ur bitching- i mean- opinions. u luv me? thats ok… i luv u too… i think. do i need to be sure? no i can figure it out later. for now, we’ll be together forever. ill never leave u. i ll love you untill im– [we’re sorry. this soul is no longer available. please try again]–

u wat?! “u luv me”? wat do i do with that? can i hold that at night when my heart feels like its splitting? can i lean on that when i feel im going to collapse? no i cant… becuz they are just words… bullets. no. blanks. it doesnt kill me but god! do i wish i were dead. i can recognize a blank when i see one. i’ve fired enuff to never forget the sight. but to be on the other end of the barrell… it is not nearly as easy. its sad. that i stood there and begged u to pull the trigger. i had to kno. i had to ask. i had to tell. i could have just keep my mouth shut and pretended everything was fine. instead i asked u if u –[we’re sorry. this soul is no longer available. please try again]–

hello? can u hear me? this is jon.C

u may be confused… i am here to provide the answers: there are no answers
i am all of these men. i am none of these men. i am the killer. i am the victim. i am the smile. i am the frown. i am the laughter. i am the sorrow. im not the first. not the last. i am common. i am extrodinary. i am spectacular. i am mundane. i am the prince and the pauper. the master and the student. the fox and the hound. i am ur nightmare. i am ur heaven. i am the man next to u on this train we call life. i am the toddler hiding behind his mothers skirt. i am the boy silent and thoughtful in the corner. i am the poet in the back of ur math class. i am the philosopher in the front row of english 101. i am not strong. not tall. not striking. not charming. not your friend. i am frank lucas. i am jfk. i am fdr. i am tut. i am ceasar. i am the last man standing. i am the one holding u up. i am the greatest. i am the best. i am not ali. i am not mj. i am third from the front and 23rd from the rear. i control time and space. i say yes or no. i say live or die. i say fuck u.
i am real. i am here. i am life. i am breath. i am pulse. i am dead.

hello my name is jon.C… how can i help u?


~ by jon.C on 7 January 2008.

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