a Beautiful mind
im in a trance. a steady state of meditation. sorounding me is the silence of my own thoughts. they scream to me. at me. for me. to stop this. pain. confusion. desperation. why do u stay on my mind, oh, Beautiful? why do u make camp in my thoughts?i love you. i know this much. but i am on a journey. the question then that arises is: are you destined to be my partner in this journey? we have developed a relationship that is based on trust and mutual respect; on understanding and support. these are things i will need on my journey to greatness [and it is evident that my greatness is inevidable]. why are we connected so? you say you love me more than words can express. i believe you. you hear me when i cry out in the darkness. you comfort me in my depression. you praise me in my triumph. you support me in my struggle. and i love you for your devotion. but this devotion… was it ever for me?
devoted, you are. but devoted to wat? your daughter. your fiance. your future. is this wrong? no. is it selfish? by no means. am i crazy? maybe. only fools and mad men fall in love. i guess that makes me a mad fool. but that recognition of such insanity is a step most seem to stop at. for me it is only the beginning. what is the origin of my insanity? why do you captivate me so? who are you that you demand my affection so powerfully?
is it because of your lips? those lips moist as a summer dew. or those rosy cheeks soft and firm against your face. or the eyes of a temptress, suffocating and captivating, drawing me in like a fish on a reel. or the long silky hair that curls down your back and runs free like a chocolate Nile. maybe its those rose-petal hands, so soft a delicate, carefully crafted by Venus herself. no. none of these have i felt in nearly 6 months. her lips? still a foreign land in which i am an alien. her lips have never known mine. this cant be the reason.
so why, dear Lady, why? is it your kind and gentle spirit? or your sweet and nurturing nature? explain to me this connection. help me understand your understanding. help me dissect your support. why are you the perfect woman? are you really that amazing? or have i truly gone bananas. the human mind cannot think outside of its own, self created box. our consciousness does not allow us to. in order to cope with the inexplicable, our mind create realities- false truths- in order to rationalize the extraordinary. am i living in a false truth; a reality in which perfection has manifested itself in the form of my 7th grade crush?i think not. illusions are not this real. and reality is always this harsh.